That moment you bring a new life into the world, the life you created is meant to bring some much happiness into your life. Unfortunately this is not always the case. EastEnders have been playing out a storyline that is resonating with many women and teaching many of us about an illness some didn't even know existed!
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| www.walesonline.co.uk |
Postpartum psychosis affects 1 in 1,000 new mums. An illness that leaves new mums having psychotic symptoms following giving birth.
The story playing out on EastEnders at the moment concentrates on Stacey Branning who was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2009.
Other symptoms can include confusion, mood swings, delusions, irrationality and feeling suspicions of others and, as one mother from Cardiff has described, its effects can be absolutely terrifying.
Mum of two Charlotte knows exactly what this illness is like to live with. From 17, Charlotte was drinking heavily and surviving the day drinking wine. At the age of 20, Charlotte was diagnosed with bipolar and fell pregnant.
Speaking to Wales Online she said: “I don’t like to talk about it much but I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 20 and was considered at high risk when I fell pregnant so had to be under consultant led care throughout.
“When I fell pregnant with my first child I was over the moon, my moods were great and I finally felt like a new person, I was sober, happy and about to be a mum what more could I ask for.”
Following the painful birth in which she suffered a postpartum haemorrhage, she decided to stop taking her bipolar medication. It was at this point that she developed postpartum psychosis.
“At first I started to think that people were taking about me, whispering and saying I was going to fail my son and that I didn’t deserve my baby,” Charlotte said.
“I tried to ignore it but as time went on this paranoia got worse. I kept it hidden from everyone. I was starting to think someone wanted to hurt me.
“I would try to hold my son close and feed him and give him lots of cuddles but my baby would just look at me as if to say he didn’t like me. That sounds so crazy now but at the time I thought my son hated me. I felt like he didn’t need my protection I would only end up letting him down.”
As a way of coping, Charlotte started to drink heavily again. “I felt good drinking, I felt free of the responsibility as a mother, in fact I forgot I even had a son, partner or home – I was delusional.
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| WalesOnline.co.uk |
“When I was at home I would have crying fits and rage. I would feel so guilty for not wanting to be around my family that I started to self harm. I told my partner that the radio was talking to me, saying that I shouldn’t trust anyone and they were all trying to harm me and my baby. My husband tried to give me my medication but I thought he was a bad guy and would spit them away.
“I started to see a little girl in my hallway, a ghost girl I would call her and she would just wait in the corner of the room watching all the time. I also started to see mice run across my living room floor and my husband one day jumped though my living room window. It was all hallucinations but looked and felt so real.
“I was so scared all the time I lost lots of weight I couldn’t sleep and I just existed for a while, walking around my home thinking ghosts were watching me, waiting for me to die. I thought that everyone was spying on me – I thought the man (my husband) that was living in my home was against me that he was trying to control me and lock me inside the house.
“It all came to a close when I ended up in hospital after taking a lot of different painkillers. I don’t think I wanted to die I just wanted to stop being scared and get some sleep.
“I was then put under psychiatric care at home and started to take my medication again. The doctors said I was suffering postpartum psychosis and it would take time but I would be well soon enough.
“It took a long time but I did get better and started to bond with my son. I live for my children now and everything I’ve been though has made me who I am. I wouldn’t change anything about my life but I would like to stress that not enough is done for women who have postpartum psychosis, it exists and it’s very scary.
“Lets hope EastEnders can portray it well and show everyone what this terrible but very real illness can do.”
Almost three years later, Charlotte has stopped drinking and has recovered fully.
She works with a number of mental health organisations and has set up her own charity called Recovery Mummy which aims to help parents recovering from addiction and funds vital research into mental illnesses such as postpartum psychosis.
To find out more about Recovery Mummy visit www.facebook.com/recoverymummy
This story is from Wales Online. Head on over for more information.
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