EastEnders' Danny Dyer has revealed details about his personal struggles in his 20's, struggles exacerbated by drug addiction.
"I was in such a dark place, I was slowly committing suicide," he told the i newspaper. "I had no hope, I hated myself, couldn't look in the mirror for more than five seconds. It just repulsed me, what was looking back. I was just pressing the f**k-it button all the time. It got to a point where I thought I was going to die – 'I don't think I'm going to wake up.'"
One particular moment he remembers very well was just before he was due to go on stage in New York: "I was abusing myself so much, my brain wasn't ready and I didn't have a clue what to say," he explained. "The blood rushed from my feet to my head and I was petrified. I felt so vulnerable.
"Never really been the same since. It's like a boxer who wins 27 fights and no-one gets near him and then they get knocked out and they're never the same again."
After undergoing rehabilitation, and introducing meditation into his life, Danny admits it changed his life: "That's what I needed – and it worked,"
"Just for 10 minutes, to turn the noises down in my head. I think that should be compulsory in schools by the way."
Danny Dyer recently won the National Television Award for Serial Drama Performance.
If you have been affected by anything in this article, please reach out. Below is the contact information for charities that can help:
Samaritans on 116 123
Mind on 0300 123 3393
EastEnders airs weeknights on BBC One.
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